Patterns of Perfectionism in Children

Apr 23

It’s so important to look for patterns here.

If you notice occasional behaviors, it's likely just a part of their learning process. However, if you see repeated perfectionistic tendencies, it might be worth exploring further.

But don't worry, there are plenty of strategies and approaches you can try to support your child in navigating perfectionism.

Ways You Can Help Your Child Work Through Perfectionism

If you're worried about your child veering towards perfectionism, take a deep breath! There are ways to help perfectionist kids and it starts with you!

Children are constantly looking at their parents to see how they’re navigating the world around them. That means you can support your child just by modeling your own behaviors everyday.

Let's explore some simple ways you can help your child with perfectionism.

Model Positive Inner Voice and Inner Critic

Just like your kids absorb everything you say and do, they also pick up on how you talk to yourself. It’s important to be mindful of your inner voice because your words become their inner voice too.

It’s so important to lead by example and steer clear of negative self-talk. Remember, your words become their inner voice.

Instead, show your child how to speak kindly to themselves by embracing positive self-talk.

When you stumble upon a mistake or face a challenge, share your thoughts out loud. For instance, "Oops, I goofed up. I wrote the wrong date down on my paper. But that's alright. Mistakes are how we learn and grow, after all!"

Try Things You’re Not Good At

We all have activities we're not naturally good at, but that shouldn't stop us from giving them a shot!

As an adult, it’s important that you try those challenging activities consistently to show your children the importance of perseverance and embracing things that are new and hard.

Share your feelings and experiences openly with your child. For example, "I've never tried rock climbing before, but I'm excited to give it a go. It's okay if I don’t make it all the way up the wall. I don’t know how I’ll do, but trying tricky things means I'm growing!”

Encourage your child to join you in these new adventures. Whether it's baking a new recipe or playing a different board game, these shared experiences are so valuable. And doing this will instill a growth mindset in your child. This helps them navigate life's challenges with confidence and understand it’s okay to make their own mistakes.

Focus on the Positive

Show your child how to focus on the good stuff!

Did you know that for every negative thought, aiming to replace it with at least four positive ones can help rewire the brain? That's right! Research suggests a 4:1 ratio for positive and negative thoughts.

So if you catch yourself thinking, "I'm not good enough," try countering it with four positives like, "I'm learning and growing every day," "I'm proud of myself for trying," "I'm capable," and "I'm surrounded by love and support."

A really fun idea would be to write on sticky notes with positive thoughts on them. Then place them on your refrigerator or mirror so you can model saying them outloud in front of your child.

Model Healthy Self-Talk

Practice self-talk that emphasizes effort, growth, and resilience. It’s a healthy way to model your inner critic to your child.

Encourage your child to adopt a growth mindset by praising their efforts, persistence, and willingness to try new things. For instance, instead of saying, "You're so smart," try saying, "I'm proud of how hard you worked on that."

Shift Your Focus to Effort Over Outcome

Help your child value the process of working on something, rather than focusing on achieving perfection.

Instead of "You're perfect just the way you are," try "I noticed how kind you were to your friend when they were sad. You have a big heart."

Remember, things won’t change overnight. As your child’s parent, commit to:

Making mistakes
Speaking out loud to yourself in a positive way
Trying new things

🔗 Looking for more examples on how to model that it’s okay to make mistakes and try new things for your child? Check out my Instagram posts here and here and my video on Fox5 here!

Supporting Your Child Through Perfectionism

If you suspect your child might be a perfectionist, don't worry—there's plenty you can do to support them!

Look out for signs like self-criticism, fear of new challenges, or getting upset over mistakes.

Remember, it's all about showing them that learning, growing, and trying new things are all part of the journey!

Be there for your child every step of the way. Encourage them to take little risks and step out of their comfort zone. And don't forget to model positive behavior yourself—those little eyes are always watching how you approach the world!

For more tips and insights to nurture lifelong learners, hop over to my Instagram page.

And, don't forget to explore episodes on the podcast, Play On Words, where you’ll hear more about making learning fun and accessible for all.

Featured

I’m the founder of BCR, host of the Play on Words podcast, a consultant for the Chicago Public Library, and more! On the blog, I regularly share my tips, insights, and knowledge on early literacy.